so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
