There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
