I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
