Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
