yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
