oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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