I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
