you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
