Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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