It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
