I've blown a few things in my day
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
