For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
