I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
