you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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