i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
