You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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