My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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