Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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