You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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