her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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