Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
