He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
