in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
