just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
