Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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