the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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