I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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