apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
