hell yes lets make some ravioli
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
