So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
