Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
