i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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