Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My dick has a subreddit
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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