so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
