If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
