Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
