His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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