you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
