It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
