At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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