Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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