I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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