mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
