go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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