What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
