Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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