I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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