when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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