Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
