Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
love makes seman taste better
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
