im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
