he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
